Tuesday, March 10, 2015

If you come to stay with me...

After having some awkward visitors I've come up with a questionnaire for the next lot. What do you think? Would you pass with flying colours?

Do you know how an electric kettle works?
Are you capable of making a hot drink?
Do you expect your hosts to wait on you as if they are your servants?     
Do you often sit for six hours without moving?
Can you walk for more than ten steps?
Do you like to give hour long talks about your illnesses / operations / hospital experiences?
Do you say you like a certain food and then change your mind when it’s put in front of you?
When you’ve finished your main course do you expect everyone else to be finished too?
Do you leave the table / ask for the bill if others are still eating and maybe want pudding?
Do you wash daily / weekly / on your birthday?
Do you own a toothbrush?
Do you use a toothbrush?
Is a normal sized toilet big enough for your arse?
Do you often get cramp in the night and have to walk around, bumping into and knocking over furniture?
Do you sit in the car and listen to the radio at 4 in the morning?
Are you up before the dawn chorus waiting for someone to make you a cup of tea /coffee?

Note : Too many wrong answers may result in premature death.


  1. Lynne, I'd be a brilliant guest. Can I come, please?

    1. If you're ever in Malvern, Worcestershire....

  2. This is why I never have guests!

  3. Guests are like fish - they go off after about three days.

    Or maybe sooner.

  4. Sounds to me like you need to find someone to pamper you for a change. My answer to having guests to stay is to downsize and simply not have the room - you'll have to stay in a hotel - one you pay for this time.

  5. This is exactly why our house is in a state of permenent upheaval, so that we can never have people over to stay. Sounds horrendous!
    Get your feet up and chill out.

    1. Our problem is the house has been renovated by us. It's finished now so everyone wants to come and see it. My advice to you is stay in that state of upheaval.

  6. How dreadful - but how funny. Loved the questionnaire Lynne. Need it myself - especially loved the toilet size. That will keep me giggling this week.