After having some awkward visitors I've come up with a questionnaire for the next lot. What do you think? Would you pass with flying colours?
Do you know how an electric kettle works?
Are you capable of making a hot drink?
Do you expect your hosts to wait on you as if they are your servants?
Do you often sit for six hours without moving?
Can you walk for more than ten steps?
Do you like to give hour long talks about your illnesses / operations / hospital experiences?
Do you say you like a certain food and then change your mind when it’s put in front of you?
When you’ve finished your main course do you expect everyone else to be finished too?
Do you leave the table / ask for the bill if others are still eating and maybe want pudding?
Do you wash daily / weekly / on your birthday?
Do you own a toothbrush?
Do you use a toothbrush?
Is a normal sized toilet big enough for your arse?
Do you often get cramp in the night and have to walk around, bumping into and knocking over furniture?
Do you sit in the car and listen to the radio at 4 in the morning?
Are you up before the dawn chorus waiting for someone to make you a cup of tea /coffee?
Note : Too many wrong answers may result in premature death.