Saturday, June 28, 2014

Snippets of Conversation

Me : Are there any slug pellets in the shed?

LSO : If there are they’ll be out of date.

Me : So?

LSO : They won’t work.

Me : If we eat out of date stuff we get sick. Who cares if the slugs get sick? They might even die.

 (Now, I am not usually cruel to animals but slugs…? If anyone can tell me what use they are then I won’t feed them out of date goodies.)

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

My name is Lynne and I am a technophobe

OK. I’m a technophobe, or maybe a Luddite, and I may live to regret it. On the computer I only ever learn what I need to know and I know I never want Windows 8.

I have a mobile phone that cost me £10 many years ago. It’s a Pay as You Go which means I put £10 on it every couple of months. All it does (you may need to sit down for this bit of info) is make calls and send texts. The texting bit is obsolete now as I refuse to text anyone. It a major cause of ragged fingernails. Last night there was a catastrophe. My mobile seems to be giving up on me. It crackles and hisses after being used for longer than a minute. (Anyone who knows me will know that I cannot talk for less than a minute.) I may have to get a new one. (Cue nightmares!)

I don’t have an iPad or any of that other stuff and guess what? My life goes on without any hitches.

We now have a box for the tv where the signal comes down the phone. It reminds me of our first black and white 12 inch screen tv from when I was a kid. You switch it on and it takes ages to warm up. The only difference is the early set stayed blank whereas this one keeps telling us that it’s getting ready. Getting ready for what? To air a brand new drama that isn’t crime would be good.

And here’s my radio. Isn’t it gorgeous? And it works.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

F&Ms or Dads' Day

One of the big pub chains is advertising Dads’ Day. Presumably they mean Fathers’ Day and perchance they’ve used Dad as they can’t spell father. At least that’s what I suggested to the LSO as we drove past.
‘Maybe they think there’s an R in it,’ I said.
‘Wouldn’t that make it Fart(h)er?’ said the LSO.
‘Well, that would suit most.’
‘And what if they start putting an R in Mother and making it Martyr,’ said the LSO, not sensibly and venturing onto dangerous ground.
Then I remembered the martyr streak that tends to run through our family. My mother used to do everything clutching her head or her stomach. One day I caught myself clutching my back and doing an exaggerated moan as I took out the rubbish (not my job!). I realised I was in danger of turning into a martyr too. 
Happy Dads’ Day, if it applies.
This post is dedicated to Farters and Martyrs everywhere.


Saturday, June 07, 2014

I'm a Believer

Got thirty seconds to spare? Pop along to Creative Frontiers and read the first of my tips on writing.

Monday, June 02, 2014

It can't be June already. Time for another giggle blog

My daughter had a cleaning business many years ago. One man phoned up and asked if she also did ironing. She said yes and he could drop it off at the office she ran the business from. The man duly turned up with over thirty shirts that needed ironing.
I’m so glad he explained about them because I would have always wondered how a man has so many shirts and I’d never have got a short story out of it (published in That’s Life! Australia).
His wife had left him and he could manage to do everything apart from ironing. And how come he had so many shirts? He owned a gentlemen’s outfitters and every day he’d been taking a brand new shirt from stock.

And now over to Sue Blackburn who’s been having more problems with her spec’s.

 I've had it up to here with glasses. Well up to my eyes anyway - when I can find them!!!
Realised this morning my glasses weren't in their customary place hanging on cheery, red cord around neck! I'd been on the computer where I use a different pair so hadn't missed them.
I couldn't find them anywhere. Not by my bed, not in my Snug, not in the bathroom. They were nowhere to be found. 'I really am going mad' thinks I.
I retrace my steps.I couldn't have could I?
I had.
I'd put them on my bed whilst getting dressed and, when I checked, there they were all neatly tucked in from when I'd made it!!