Sunday, August 31, 2014

August giggle blog

Ugh! We have slugs getting into the house. We’ve never actually seen any but each morning their slimy trails are across the living room carpet. Now that may not sound like much of a giggle but read on…
I sprinkled salt everywhere. It didn’t deter the determined gastropods. We laid beer traps. Our trespassers must be tee-total. The LSO filled a gap outside where they might have been squeezing through, though how they got in from the outside step is a mystery. It didn’t work.

So, what do we do in these techno-days? I turned to Google and discovered we are in huge company. Lots of householders were looking for a way to stop these horrible intruders but no-one had come up with a slug-stop solution.

‘You need to find out where they are getting in,’ said a helpful post.

‘How?’ I wondered and then discovered someone else had already asked the same thing.

The postee’s answer made me believe he was as thick as a doorpost. Or he was having us all on (and why did I assume it was a He?).

‘Get up when it’s dark, go into the affected room and catch a slug,’ he said. ‘Tie a piece of cotton around it and leave a long end then, when the slug leaves, you can follow the trail of cotton.’

Very Hansel and Gretel.

I told the gift-son. ‘Oh, do it,’ he urged. ‘I’d love to see the LSO’s face (he doesn’t actually call him that) when you wake him at two in the morning, present him with a reel of cotton and ask him to tie it around a slug. I’d love to hear his response. It’ll be in his best Welsh Windsor Davies It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum voice.’

The LSO did refuse to tie cotton around slugs. He said it would slide off them.

‘Not if you loop it around their ears,’ I pointed out.

‘And what bloody colour would you like me to use?’ boomed this Welsh Windsor Davies It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum voice.

Well, what colour would you use?


And from Sue Blackburn –

Well, I know I was slightly harassed, things whirling around in the old brainbox (although I am beginning to seriously feel said box is emptying rapidly) Nevertheless, I was somewhat disconcerted to find myself trying to switch off the electric fire with the TV remote control.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Where my genes came from

I hope the 'dress sense' gene missed me out. This is my family circa 1900 (I think). No, it must be later. Ankles are on display.
The proud gentleman with the fine whiskers is my great-grandfather. I just about remember him when he was very old and his whiskers were nicotine stained and he paid me 3d to give him a kiss. His mahogany bureau sits in our living room.
The man on the far right - according to my Grandmother - died of a broken heart after his wife died during childbirth. The baby died too and he lived for six months after the tragedy.
I wonder who the others are.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

It's all lies! Lynne, aged 9 and 1 month and 1 day.

Forget the friends and the rubber mice. OK, the mice are lies because they weren’t real but they aren’t the big fib.

Kids at most schools had to write diaries. My Gran said it was because the teachers were nosy. My mother lived in fear of me telling some home truths. Me? I just wanted to entertain my teacher but I also knew when to censor my own work. And now we get to the bit about the hospital and waving to the patients. That’s the censored bit.

What really happened was this – Colin Page told us he had seen a naked woman in one of the hospital windows so, after school, a big group of us went to see if we could be so lucky. I don’t think any one of us had ever seen a naked person in those days. We didn’t that day either. Or any of the following ones but I knew that I couldn’t give the real reason for me and my friend peering over the hospital wall so I came up with an acceptable alternative.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Interviewed by Creative Frontiers

In case you want to know more about me and my take on life pop over to

And do leave comments there and not here. It'll look better.
Thanking you in anticipation. (Who remembers having to type that at the end of letters?)

Thursday, August 07, 2014

A question for writers?

Can you be creative at more than one thing at a time? I can't. When I'm not writing I've been heard to tell the LSO that we have goats' cheese, mint and pears encased in filo pastry and served with a medley of green vegetables. Creative description. Creative cookery.
Lately I have been decorating and not a word, apart from emails and they don't count, has passed through my laptop.
My writing room is getting a new look. I couldn't decide between classy or fun but opted for fun when I saw this so suitable wallpaper. So I am being creative with d├ęcor but I will get back to writing.
And here's a close up of my 'pencil-end' paper.