Monday, March 30, 2015

Rock and Write

We were at Ikea and I was taking every opportunity to sit down. I sat on beds, sofas, chairs and the rocking chair. It wasn’t a good day to be wandering around such a huge place as it was one of my limited standing-up days. I have only one lumbar disc remaining so I’m a bit like a car with no shock-absorbers.
I made a note of the order number for the rocker and we continued. We were actually looking for a new basin for the bathroom. The LSO found one and went to find out if it came with all the plumbing bits. I looked around. The only place to sit was on a toilet. I decided to give that a miss. Too many people with Facebook accounts walking around with phone cameras. If I go viral I'd prefer a toilet not to be involved.
I wandered painfully on until... ’Help! I need to sit down,’ I told an assistant. She upturned a pile of plastic waste-paper baskets right by me and helped me onto them. Then she dashed off to find something more comfortable – a stool. Thank you to the lovely staff at Ikea, Birmingham.
The LSO eventually found me and helped me out to the car but not before we bought that rocking chair.

President Kennedy had 18 rocking chairs. The rocking motion is good for chronic pain. Apparently if the spinal cord is sending messages down the spine to tell your legs to rock the chair it can’t be doing anything else, like telling your back it hurts. Essentially, rocking blocks pain. The spinal cord can’t multi-task. At least that’s what I think the report on Google was saying. (Does this mean it's male?) I could now do with a rocking chair at my desk but is it even possible to type and rock at the same time?

Monday, March 23, 2015

Headlines and Heart Attacks

My friend, Betty had picked up an ancient copy of Take A Break in the hairdresser’s. As soon as she got home she phoned to tell me about the incredible title of a true life article. ‘My hubby copped off with the mid-wife while I was in labour.'
Followed by a wonderful sidebar by an inspired sub editor – ‘He pulled while I pushed.’

It reminded me of when I wrote about the LSO’s heart attack. When he was fighting for his life he saw his Dad and brother at the bottom of his hospital bed. This was at the same time as a nurse was phoning me to rush to the hospital to say goodbye to him. Her call woke me from a dream where I saw LSO’s Dad and brother standing at the bottom of his bed. Once the crisis was well and truly over I wrote up this story for Fate & Fortune, or it could have been It’s Fate. I get the two confused. And to get to the point – the line on the front cover of the magazine screamed – Colin’s Horror As Dead Dad Comes To Get Him.

Friends said him seeing that was enough to give Colin (The LSO) another heart attack but luckily he’s used to me using anything and everything in our lives as writing fodder. 

Monday, March 16, 2015

If you're enjoying Poldark...

If you’re enjoying Poldark then you might like to know about Jane Jackson’s books. All set in the past in Cornwall and all with heroes just as handsome and charismatic as Ross Poldark. Accent Press released three of Jane’s titles, 'Devil's Prize' 'Eye of the Wind' and 'Crosscurrents' in a bundle last Friday.
This is the link to the bundle on Amazon:
I've read them all and can recommend them.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

If you come to stay with me...

After having some awkward visitors I've come up with a questionnaire for the next lot. What do you think? Would you pass with flying colours?

Do you know how an electric kettle works?
Are you capable of making a hot drink?
Do you expect your hosts to wait on you as if they are your servants?     
Do you often sit for six hours without moving?
Can you walk for more than ten steps?
Do you like to give hour long talks about your illnesses / operations / hospital experiences?
Do you say you like a certain food and then change your mind when it’s put in front of you?
When you’ve finished your main course do you expect everyone else to be finished too?
Do you leave the table / ask for the bill if others are still eating and maybe want pudding?
Do you wash daily / weekly / on your birthday?
Do you own a toothbrush?
Do you use a toothbrush?
Is a normal sized toilet big enough for your arse?
Do you often get cramp in the night and have to walk around, bumping into and knocking over furniture?
Do you sit in the car and listen to the radio at 4 in the morning?
Are you up before the dawn chorus waiting for someone to make you a cup of tea /coffee?

Note : Too many wrong answers may result in premature death.

Sunday, March 01, 2015

March Giggle blog

The LSO tends to leave money lying around. I’m not talking big bucks here. It’s usually copper. I’ve been picking it up and putting it in a pot. A few days ago he found this and asked what the money was for.
            ‘I’m saving up to leave you,’ I told him.
            He counted the cash. 22p. ‘I see you’re not in a rush,’ he said.

Sue Blackburn’s giggle blog -
Talking to daughter discussing musicals. Then conversation turned to Michael Ball. "I just love him," says I. "Since he first came on the scene as a young fellow in Love Changes Everything. Course, he's been in that recent show, hasn't he – Shampoo?"
Daughter stares at me. "Shampoo?" she says, doubtfully. The penny drops. She shrieks with laughter.
"Mother," she says, "for heaven’s sake. You mean Hairspray!"